"Do you remember now what it was you said that I found troublesome?"I thought about our conversation, but nothing came to mind."No, I'm really sorry," I apologized."That's okay, Jenny. I will tell you. What you said was that you weregoing to hate yourself when you had to go back to being Johnny. Do yousee why that concerned me?" You mean about my not wanting to go back to being Johnny?" That's part of what you said, but think some more about how you saidit, please."I went over the words in my mind. Then it struck me."I said that I was going to hate going back to being Johnny!"Mrs. Johnson nodded."Yes. Now do you see?" I think so. It's because, if I hate being Johnny, I hate myself. Isthat right?" Yes, Jenny. That's right. The worst thing a person can do is to hatehimself. Or herself," she added. "You don't really hate yourself, doyou?"I shook my head."No, I like myself. I am very happy with who I am. I just wisheveryone else felt the same way."Mrs. Johnson squeezed my hands."Good.. " I dunno," Jesse said again. He sounded doubtful. I didn't buy it for a second, I'd seen the way he'd just looked at me."Maybe he needs a real incentive," I suggested slyly. "Something to bring out his best effort."My eyes flickered down to Jesse's jeans and then back up again. The shadowed bulges in the denim were giving me a very good idea of just how talented he might be."A kiss," said Paul triumphantly, and I could have kissed him for coming up with the idea by himself."You're not my type, buddy," Jesse joked. His eyes were fixed on me, and I wasn't imagining how hungry he looked."A kiss?" I said. "He'd have to put up something good against a kiss from me." My car. For a month."Paul whistled, impressed. He lusted after that car; his own was a piece of crap. "What do you think, babe?" Three months," said Jesse."For a kiss?"He smiled at my question. "Nope. For a fuck."Paul laughed. "She'll never do it."No, really, that's what he said. I think we all stopped for a second while we.
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